The Porcupine Effect — When We Spike to Protect Ourselves

I was thinking about something today and it hit me in a way I didn't expect. You know how sometimes you get your feelings hurt and without even thinking about it, you throw up those little porcupine spikes? Not because you're trying to be dramatic, but because, in that moment, it feels like the only way to protect yourself.

And sometimes, if we're honest, part of us even wants the other person to feel a little sting too. Like, you hurt me, so I want you to know what that felt like.

But here's the part I've been sitting with. After that first wave passes and you calm down enough to actually hear yourself, there's this quiet little question that comes up: do I really want to keep these spikes out?

When I slow down and actually talk to myself about it, I can feel that piece of me that's still holding on. The part that shows up fast, does its job, and then lingers long after the moment's gone. And I ask myself, would I choose that? Do I really want that part running things for me now?

Because the truth is, most of those reactions were built by an old version of me. A younger me. A me who didn't know what I know now. And I'm still out here, unconsciously living under rules that person wrote a long time ago.

So I've been trying something different. Instead of judging myself for the spikes, I just notice them. I talk to them a little. I ask if they still serve me. And usually, the answer is no.

There's something interesting about realizing you don't have to stay loyal to the defenses you built when you were hurting. You can soften. You can retract. You can choose something else.

Just wanted to share that with you, in case you've felt those spikes come out lately too.